June 5th, 2019
So far today has been productive! I had a doctor’s appointment that I’ve needed. I’ve been sick for probably the last 4 months, allergies, walking pneumonia, ear infections, all that fun stuff. I was finally able to go in and have them taken care of today. In about 2 hours, I get to go to Wegmans and pick up 8 different prescriptions… Ya. Eight.
In the spirit of check ups, let’s do a full body work up here…
Physically: I’ve been better. Starting a new slew of medications is not my favorite thing ever, but did buy a pill organizer that should be coming in the mail today. Because of the whole depression thing, I haven’t been working out or eating well. I was surprised however when my weight was lower than I thought. As I am planning what to do with 2 kids over the summer, trying to find time to exercise is increasingly difficult. My goal is to try bike riding. I haven’t ridden a bike in literal YEARS, but I used to enjoy it. During the summers, my mom would go on runs in the morning and us kids could either run with her or ride our bikes. As I got older, I decided to run with my mom instead of biking which was fun, but I want to try biking again.
Spiritually: Depression has really put me through the wringer. So in all honesty, I’ve been trying to do better at spending time with the Lord in his word, but it hasn’t been going too well. There was a Reformed Pubcast episode (Nyquil Shots) when Les talked about going through a period that he just felt like he didn’t want to be with the Lord. In his own words, God was letting him throw his temper tantrum. Similar to that, I just feel distanced from the Lord right now. I know it’s because I have pushed him away and now I’m flopping around like a fish out of water wondering what is wrong. I need the Lord. I need to read his word. I need to pray. The other concern is that David and I are attending a new church, but we are not members yet. The last 3 weeks, depression has gotten the better of me and we haven’t been able to attend. I’m praying that the new medication I am starting will help me start feeling more like myself.
All around, I’ve really just been struggling. This bout of depression is totally different than the first time. I used to see the anti-depressant commercials that would say, “If you have difficulty getting out of bed…” then say, “How could anyone have difficulty getting out of bed?” I get it now. I totally get it. There’s just a mental block that makes it feel like you are in quick sand. God willing, the new medicine I am taking will help. A close friend was taking it and I’ve seen it do wonders for her.
I’m hopeful for the coming week. I know God has a plan to glorify him.